*Caution: this story contains details of sexual assault*
In my first job as a producer I was paired with a much older, male director. He would regularly make sexually explicit and inappropriate comments in front of me. I was the only woman on the on-location team and so there was a lot of "lad banter" but it was always led by the director and I could tell that often the crew felt very uncomfortable with the sexualised nature of what he would say.
His comments began to be aimed at me, and he would manufacture situations for us to be alone. He then made excuses (his car had broken etc.) so that I would have to give him a lift. He would suggest things like us sharing a hotel room (despite me making very clear I was not available and that this wasn't appropriate).
One day, one of the sound recordists on the shoot pulled me aside and said he had heard some of the inappropriate things the director would say to me and he asked if I was ok. I really wasn't ok, but the culture of the production company was such that I begged the sound recordist not to say anything to anyone for fear that I would be the one who would get fired or not get hired again. I was acutely aware that the director and exec were old friends who went way back.
The harassment became physical, he would regularly invade my personal space and touch me. Things culminated in him putting his hand up my skirt one day as I was driving and he was in the passenger seat. I made clear this was not ok and he stopped, but I was traumatised. Thankfully the job finished the following week and I have never seen him again. This experience left me feeling vulnerable, afraid and intimidated. I was extremely scared that if I said anything I would be the one who was blacklisted from the company. It took a long time for me to come to terms with what was essentially sexual harassment and a sexual assault. The senior team at the company were all men and so I didn't feel there was anyone I could have spoken to about it. There was no HR department. The company culture was one of toxic masculinity - it wasn't the kind of place that as a female freelancer I felt I could call the behaviour out.