I had started a job on a popular entertainment show. I was a researcher at the time. This was my second series on this show but this time I was with a new producer who I had to work closely with. It was a live daily show.
The bullying that I experienced came in the form of gaslighting, verbal put-downs and manipulating situations. On the third day of the job, the producer snapped at me for entirely no reason. It was because she made a minor error but didn’t want to admit to it. I felt she snapped because she wanted to set a precedent for the rest of the production.
I was absolutely gobsmacked in how she had reacted as I had never dealt with a situation like this before. After this I was constantly on edge. Consequently, all the ideas for the show I proposed were not deemed not good enough - even though I knew exactly the tone of the show as I had worked successfully the previous year, and my ideas my ideas were appreciated by my colleagues.
I was a liked member of the team but for some reason she made me feel unworthy and not good enough. I felt I couldn’t discuss how I felt as I didn’t want to cause a situation. I did speak to a friend about it, but I chose to bite my tongue and see the contract through.
At times I felt so anxious on the show that I wished I would fall ill or even get clipped by a car walking into work. It was very distressing time for me. At times I did wonder whether the industry was for me, but then I used to think “no, I’m good at my job".
To make matters worse, at the wrap party I was stopped on four different occasions by the security personnel, even though my name was on the guest list. They questioned me, asking who I was and what I was doing there. It was clear it was because of the colour of my skin as I was the only brown individual there. I wasn’t acting rowdy, and I hadn’t done anything for them to question me. In fact, I was absolutely sober. It sickened me and for the first time in a while I felt fully profiled. I did raise this issue to my production manager but nothing happened. The industry created a lot of toxicity particularly in the entertainment sector and racism is evidently rife.